when c and i put our house up on the market last october, we were sure that it would sell quickly. after a few months, we got desperate... and buried a st. joseph statue in the front yard. the story behind that is that if you bury a st. joseph, head down, facing the street, you will sell your house quickly... and after closing, you must unbury him and place him in a place of honor in your new home. well, we have been here since april and have not yet dug him up. a series of unfortunate events have been happening (c got a flat tire, hole in roof, c broke the spare bed tonight), so i thought that maybe we should finally make good with st. j. sooo, i contacted my oldest and dearest friend, t, asked him to be my getaway driver and off we went.
i asked t if he had a little garden shovel, and he said, 'no, but i have a spoon!' so i told him to bring it, as i grabbed a plastic knife and fork. i picked him up, and we drove to my old house and cased the joint. they were up, but nobody was on the sunporch, so i ran to the front yard and first noticed that the flowerbed was overgrown weeds and clover. i really didn't remember where we had buried him, but i thought that it was perpendicular to where the for sale sign was. so i dug. and dug. and dug some more. then it rained. hard. and i just kept on a'diggin'. every time a car drove by, i would do a marine roll to the side yard. i dug a hole about four feet in length by two feet wide and about six inches deep... and, of course, it just filled with water. i was on my hands and knees, wading in a big mud puddle, squishing through dirt and slugs and bugs and worms and whatever else may have been in there.
my digging tools
after about 1/2 hour, i was done. i took a break on the neighbor's stoop and, before i left, i dove in one more time for good measure. nothing. then i realized i lost t's spoon. so, i hurried up and found it (didn't want my fingerprints there!), made sure i had my muddy phone, contemplated using their hose to wash up (but didn't) then left. when i got to t, i rolled on the grass to try and get some of the mud off of me. he was laughing so hard, i thought we were gonna get busted by the sheer noise.
the aftermath
he drove me home, i went out back and hosed myself off, came in and threw on pj's and took him home. i am now covered with the creepin' crud (bug bites galore- huge bug bites). i guess we are going to have to just sage and lemongrass our house... :-)
Hahahahaha! Way to funny! I tried doing the same thing when we tried selling our house, but when it wasn't working I dug him up because I thought maybe we pissed him off. You know, 'cause we stuck him in the ground upside down and all. (Or maybe just because were not catholic.) He sat on a shelf for the longest time, I always had the intention of abandoning him at some church door step, mainly because he kinda creeps me out with his staring and all. Then the house sold, and now he is in some unpacked box (I think) somewhere. Maybe I'll dig him out dust him off and abandon him on your doorstep. Do you think that would balance out our karma?
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