we all wore purple today to show our solidarity. before the girls were born 15.5 weeks early, i think that we would have worn purple "if we remembered." i think that we would think about how those preemie babies were just smaller than full terms, and that they would be home "soon." i think that we would feel awful for the families whose babies were in the nicu, and not at home, but would just need a little more time to grow.
but now we know. now we know the fear of having to sleep with your phone next to your bed because you may get a call telling you that you needed to get to your sweet little baby quickly. now we know the heartache of having to leave our babies in the hospital while we go home and to work. now we know the emptiness of celebrating holidays without our babies with us wearing their "my first ____" jammies. now we know the emptiness that is felt when you can't hold your baby after they are born... the wait is agonizing, but they are just so very fragile. now we know how horrifying it is to see your baby hooked up to numerous tubes and wires and monitors, and every time they alarm, your stomach drops. now we know how important it is to trust your baby's caregivers- their nurses and neonatologists and respiratory therapists and pharmacists- and how, despite the circumstances, these are the most amazing people we may ever meet. after all, they are the angels who carried us and our babies to where we are now. now we know that, even after our babies leave the nicu, the nicu never leaves us. now we know how real ptsd really is. now we know how agonizing the hours of therapy for physical issues and feeding issues are- but we do it and beg for more if it will help our darlings. now we know how hard one can pray for miracles. now we know... and we hope that you never have to.
No comments:
Post a Comment