one month & birth story...

today the girls are one month old and thirty gestational weeks... so, now seems as good a time as any to share their birth story :-)

lyncoln and quinn are identical twins; they shared a placenta, and, with this sharing, twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome (ttts) is a possibility... a slight possibility, but a possiblilty nonetheless. anywho, from the very beginning of the pregnancy, there was always a discordance in their sizes, and at 13 weeks there was a difference in their nuchal folds. because of this, we were referred to a perinatologist in pittsburgh. let me tell you there is not much scarier than having to go to a specialist and not being able to have your midwives because you are so 'high risk.' but we went, and he told us that we "were fine."

the weeks went by, and the size discordance became even more apparent- at one point, there was a 40% difference in their sizes. but everything else "was fine". before our midwife referred us to the dr., she had one of the dr.'s in our office look at the sono. if baby b's tummy measurement was taken out of the equation, there was only a few days difference between the two. they were both on target with their gestational age, but baby a was at the low end, while baby b was at the high end. being that they are identical, this was a soft marker for ttts. another marker is a gross difference in amniotic fluid... but the fluid was always within normal range, so every time we saw the specialist, he told us that we "were fine." and every time he told us that we "were fine," we had 'our' dr. telling us that we were hopeful to make it to viability. just saying that makes me throw up a little in my mouth. she was always to negative- always telling us that we were on the verge of ttts. what did she know? the specialist told us that we "WERE FINE"! so, we dubbed her dr. doom-and-gloom. and, we researched. a lot.

the specialist told us not to google. but we didn't listen. we found out that high protein shakes (boost) were shown to help ward off ttts. so, we put c on a 3-per-day boost shake diet, plus her other meals (which we made high protein). finally, at our last appointment with him, he told us that, yes, you guessed it, we "were fine", but that there have been some dr.'s who have found out that the shakes helped with ttts. sooo, we continued the boost regimen...

with identical twins, it is also recommended that sonos are performed every week. we pushed for this, but the specialist assured us that that wasn't necessary, and that every two to three weeks was "just fine." on black friday we had a sono, and dr. doom-and-gloom once again warned us of ttts, but that the fluid levels were still okay and the discordance dropped to about 29-ish% (still waaaayyy too high). we dismissed her negativity, and shopped.

two weeks later, on thursday, december 8th, we had another sono. the fluid was levels were perfect. the size discordance was still there, and apparently baby a had absent flow through her umbilical cord. dr. doom-and-gloom told us that this is an indication that in 7-10 days, it would probably go into reverse flow, and, at that time, they would have to deliver. she set us up with an appointment with the specialist for the following wednesday. i brought up the fact that if reverse flow could happen in 7-10 days, how do we know what day we are in, and what if we are in day 6? that would mean that we would be in reverse way before wednesday. she said that there was no way to know what day we were in, but that we should be okay because were were just in last week for a sono. "no!" we corrected her... we were here TWO WEEKS AGO! her jaw dropped, she looked at our charts, and then stuttered that we could come in the next morning for another sono. c asked to be admitted for monitoring. she was told, "no." so, we went home, googled, barely slept, and went in the next morning for another sono.

i was at work when c called me. the receptionist called her and told her that we were on for the specialist next wednesday. i was furious! so, i took matters into my own hands. i made some phone calls, and, the next thing i knew, we had c admitted for monitoring. friday evening we checked into the hospital, hoping that we could buy a few more weeks. i was optimistic that we would at least make 28-30 weeks. but we were still nervous...

the baby's heartrates were monitored almost hourly that evening. c's first sono was the following morning... so, with c in the hospital, chicken and i slept at home and woke up to a relaxing saturday morning of playing. at 7:39 a.m., i received the following text: "call boy. reverse. get here." i was in shock. c called me and she sounded eerily calm. she said that the girls would be here by 9:30 a.m. i wigged out. i threw some clothes on, made some phone calls, while scooping the chicken up in his jammies, and running him to our friend's house.

have i mentioned that i was in shock? well, our pals, j & k somehow predicted that i would be, so j offered to come to the hospital with me. i will be forever grateful that she was there for us. she held both c and i up in love and light, and was a beacon of hope and assurance. as c was wheeled to the or, j and i went to the recovery room to get me prepped. j held my hand and calmed me down. she made me laugh and she repeatedly told me that she believed that everything would be great... she told me that she just kept envisioning the girls, a year from now, at claytopia, creating christmas masterpieces. she held me together, when i was falling apart on the inside. thank you, julie.

c made me promise that i wouldn't watch the girls being delivered. she was afraid that there would be a repeat performance of me almost passing out at chicken's birth. i promised.

at 9:45 a.m., i was shuffled into the or. it was hot in there. and the mask stunk. i sat down next to c and told her her that she was going to do a wonderful job, that the babies were going to be perfect and that i was hot and the mask stunk. she told me that it wasn't the mask that i was smelling, it was the burning of her skin. ugh.

on saturday, 12/11/10, at 9:48 a.m., lyncoln journey made her grand appearance into the world. she was 12" long, and weighed 1lb7oz. one minute later, at 9:49 a.m., her sister, quinn journey joined us for the party. she was 13" long, and weighed 1lb15oz.

i tried looking around the curtain, but there were so many people, that i couldn't see anything. but we heard them. we heard a squeaking and we heard a crying. those were positive signs for us. but nobody was talking to us. nobody was telling us anything. i kept trying to see them. i kept searching the eyes of everyone in the room. finally, our sweet nurse, bethany gave me the thumbs up sign. we heard laughing. i cried. i was so relieved and scared and overwhelmed. i saw baby limbs flying, and then it was time to wheel them to the nicu. they had to move the curtain to get the isolettes through, and, at that moment, i looked. i should never have looked past the curtain. i got lightheaded, but they stopped to let us see quinn. she was in a bag, and we really couldn't see much of her, but i did see that she had dark hair and the most beautiful little baby face ever. she was perfect. then, lyncoln was wheeled by. she, too was in a bag, but i could see her adorable tiny face. and her hands. they were the teeniest hands i ever saw, and, she was giving the 'okay' sign with her hand. at that moment, i knew how fortunate i was because two miracles just entered our lives. but then reality hit, and, i bent down to c and begged her to please ask for oxygen and give it to me ;-)

as they finished c up, dr. doom-and-gloom told us that she wanted us to see the placenta. ugh. quinn's portion was 'beautiful.' it was rich and her cord was thick. hanging off the side was a straggly lobe. this was lyncoln's portion of the placenta. her cord wasn't even as thick as a straw, and, as soon as she was delivered, it. fell. off. it was then, that we were diagnosed as having ttts. we also found out that on thursday, the fluid levels were both at 14. on friday, q's stayed at 14, but l's dropped to 8. on saturday, it went to 7. i will not even entertain the thought of what would have happened had we not been in the hospital that morning...

c was in recovery for about an hour before she was wheeled off to her room. we weren't told anything, except that the girls were being worked on. after more than three hours, we were told that we were going to be able to go to the nicu to see our daughters. we never even got to tour the nicu- that was on the agenda for saturday- you know, before the girls were actually born. imagine if you will, the furthest possible room from the nicu. you know the one- the one that is across from the regular nursery? yeah, that's where we were. anywho, we wheeled c down, scrubbed up after entering the nicu, looked around wide-eyed, and were escorted over to pod 15. there, side-by-side were 2 giraffe isolettes that housed our tiny, beautiful girls. their primary nurses were there. i didn't hear a word that they said. i was fixated on the perfection that was lyncoln and quinn. but, i did remember the one nurse's eyes. i remember searching her blue eyes for answers, for hope. i know that, underneath her mask, she smiled to try and reassure me. and i told her that i didn't know her, but i knew her eyes. i will always remember her eyes. always.

we were told that the girls would be in the nicu until at least their due date, march 22nd. we were told that we couldn't touch or hold the girls. we were told that chicken wouldn't even be able to see his sisters until they were discharged. we were told that the nicu was a rollercoaster. we were told that it was going to feel like forever. i told them that that was okay, as long as they gave us forever with our girls.

they weren't kidding. the nicu is a rollercoaster. but our girls are fighters. they have been ordered to stay on the high end of the ride- that low points were not an option. and, if they decide to scare their mama's, they will not get a pony ;-)

now, here we are, one month later. lyncoln has joined the 2 pound club (2lbs1oz), and quinn is a whopping 2lbs11oz. they are both OFF of the ventilator, and on the nasal cannula. they are tolerating their feedings, and, in a few weeks, will try to be bottle/breastfed. they cry and open their eyes and look around. we are able to kangaroo with them and take their temperatures and change their diapers and give them spongebaths.

lyncoln and quinn may be tiny (right now) in size, but their spirits are ginormous. they. are. wonderments.

happy one-month birthday, our little bits. you are love.