Mommy's Birth Story

Lyncoln and Quinn,

Your birth story will start from the very beginning.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, we were elated but I knew something was different.

I felt bigger. I was six weeks pregnant and wearing maternity clothes, your mama laughed at me. Then at our nine week visit we had our first sono. We had two different pictures of you taken that day, the tech did the first set of pictures and left the room. The image of our baby remained on the screen, I turned to your mama and sighed, "there's only one isn't there." She also sighed, in relief..."YUP." I was a little sad. I felt I was having twins and a medium at work had confirmed my feelings...then the tech came back and did a second set of images...

As she slowly scanned my belly, this time I could see something...I SAW TWO. I remember grabbing mama's hand. She thought i was being sweet. I remained silent just in case I was wrong, and then the tech (kristi) spoke..."Do twins run in your family?" I got excited, "I knew I saw two!!!" Your mama turned green, and then she called everyone in the world!

From the beginning we knew this was a risky pregnancy, we knew you were most likely identical twins who shared a placenta. We were sent to a specialist in Pittsburgh at our 14 week visit when our midwife feared twin to twin transfusion. The specialist said all was fine and they would monitor me.

Our midwife Peggy said we should start seeing Dr. Stull, this made us sad. Peggy always made us feel safe and the very fact that she was uncomfortable sent off alarms for us.

Dr. Stull was like the grim reaper, she was always telling us she hoped the pregnancy would make it to viability. Your mama and I didn't understand, why wasn't she giving us any hope, and why did she keep mentioning twin to twin transfusion when each time we spoke to the specialist he said things were great?

To ward off the twin to twin trans I began to eat and eat and eat. Three protein shakes a day, enough cheese to feed a million mice, milk, chicken, ugh. I drank one gallon of water a day. I was a stuffed pig, but mama and I were determined to keep you both safe.

Again the specialist at 19 weeks said everything was fine.

Each appointment we knew baby A (lyncoln) was smaller that baby b (quinn), but you were each growing! Then it got even more scary. At our 25 week scan 12/9/10 they saw no flow coming to lyncoln's cord. The dr. said we had a 10 day window before you both would be born and we would see the specialist in Pitt the following week. Mama S began to fight for you and challenge the Dr., "how do we know when this no flow started, what if we are in day 9?"

She was right. The Dr knew it and said we could have another scan the next morning. That scan also showed no flow...what we didn't know was there had been a drop in lyncolns fluid. The dr sent us to St. Vincent's for our second round of steroid shots for your lungs and to check in. Mama s was convinced I would be in there a long time and that you girls were going to hold on in my belly for a while. I was just plain terrified.

That night mama S went home to be with your brother. I spent all night thinking, praying, crying, and wishing that everything would turn out okay. I stayed up all night feeling you each move and thanking god for every kick- it meant you were there. Lyncoln I will always remember you kicking up a storm in my belly, and Quinn you didn't kick much but when you did it was powerful!

By 730 am 12/11/10 I was getting another sono. I remember the sono tech saying she saw flow in both cords...and then she switched to see the flow...instantly I said "oh no(or perhaps another word)," I called mama S and told her she needed to get here right away. I remember the sono lady yelling at me, "you can't tell people to get here in a panic, I didn't tell you anything!" I said, "you didn't need too, I can see on the screen what is wrong, I know they are going to take these babies!"

I felt strangely calm, I remember needing water...begging for ice, pleading for a drop. Then the nerves really set in and I got the shakes. I was trying to be calm. One thing you need to know about mama s is in most situations she can keep her cool, but when she is really scared for someone she ooooozzzeeesss nervousness...her palms sweat, her face turns red, she talk a million miles a minute and can't focus...so I wanted to be calm.

The sono tech left the room at 8am, by 8:10am Dr. Stull came in and said you babies would be out by 9:30. By 8:20 your mama arrived with our dear friend Julie. I was already being prepped for surgery.

I remember wanting a minute to collect myself, but everything was happening so fast, and I was so scared. While I tried to be calm your mama anxiously packed up the room...and then the trembling began. I remember Julie holding my hand and Mama S holding me tight and trying to reassure me that you both would be alright. I will always remember the tears in her eyes that told me how scared she was, but the smile on her face being all I needed to stay sane.

By 9am i was being whisked to the surgery room, separated from mama but she would be in there soon. The room was hot, small, white. I saw where they would place you, the surgical tables, all the machines, again i was overwhelmed.



The dr's started the spinal block to numb me from the chest down. This is when I fell in love with Dr. Stull- who talked to me so calmly. We talked about Rhys and her son and his love for Reeses peanut butter cups....and then I was numb. They laid me on the table and put the sheet up so I couldn't see.

I started to feel faint. Then came the puke, but just a little thank god. I continued to feel faint and told the anesthesiologist who started to clamor to get something in my right arm. I HAVE HORRIBLE VEINS. Dr. Stull said something that sounded a little panicked about him needing to do something now... I looked at him and said, i told you my veins sucked...he mumbled the S word and said i wasn't joking. then he got the medicine in my right arm, shwew no passing out for me, I wanted to remember every part.

In walks mama s, rosey cheeks, still tears in her eyes, and behind her mask I saw her smile. Then, she spotted the dreaded puke bucket and flung it under my face...now at Rhys birth I had bathed your mama in puke, so apparently she felt the need to protect herself. "I already did that," I explained. Then she leaned in, "this mask really smells." "That's not your mask...it is my skin." GROSS.

The room began to spin with action. In waked Dr. Omar...and a second later Dr. Voora. I remember feeling both glad to see a dr for each of you, but knowing that two meant every single person in the room that day was fearing your early arrival.

I begged Mama not to look, I needed her, and with your brother she almost passed out! She didn't look, but we did listen.

At 948 am lyncoln entered the world with a squeeek.


at 949 quinn emerged with a cry. We shed tears of fear...we heard your sweet voices and couldn't imagine our lives with out you.

I now begged mama to look...I wanted to know what the nurses were doing, could she see you, what did she hear, what were they mumbling...I heard laughter, not loud- like a giggle. That giggle meant to me there wasn't a ton of stress and panic. Whether that was true or not- I will always remember that laugh. (note: the same laugh belongs to the nurse with the blue eyes in S's blog, it is amazing to me how one person managed to reassure both of us at the same time in different ways)

So, as I am pleading with S for answers Nurse Beth scoots by dawning the thumbs up! Thank goodness for Beth!

I remember the nurses pausing as they whisked you both away, I didn't see a thing, but I knew you were both beautiful. Then the doors shut and the focus was on me, I remember them counting instruments---scissors, scissors, scissors?!?! Shwew they found them!

In recovery Julie came first...and again held my hand. Then my dad came in, god love him, but like S he also has tell tale eyes. He too held my hand, tears in his eyes and panic in his voice. He asked why I was so gray, how I was feeling and said he would stay until we could see the girls.

AND THEN WE WAITED. and waited...and waited.

Five hours after your birth we were allowed to see you. I was so nervous, but felt numb, I wanted to feel nothing, the what-ifs plagued me...but then I saw you...twenty tiny fingers and toes...you were miniature babies and oh so beautiful. I was and will forever be so in love with you, our miracles.

From day one, we understood the odds, 50% chance of survival. I want to thank you girls for being such strong fighters. We are so proud. While, you two were determined to share this world with us, your nurses and doctors made life possible.

How do I begin to thank the people who "carried" my children when I no longer could. When I look back on this experience, when I peer in to our daughters eyes, I will always remember the hope that each of them gave us. We understood the risk, we knew the odds; but never once were we given anything but hope.

Daily I would search their eyes for fear and doubt, but with each shift change, they made me believe. As a parent you dream about the future: your children's birthday parties, prom, college, weddings, I was afraid to dream but when I couldn't fathom the future they dreamed for me. Your nurses told me about the trouble you would get in to and the fun we would have. I want to thank the nurses for making me believe, because we have big dreams for your futures.

I think you girls were put on this earth to make me believe in miracles, and I think your nurses were put in parents lives to make those beliefs a reality. They are my heroes, we thank them for giving us these gifts and for allowing us oppotunity to be your mommies.


I love you sweet girls.