remembering barb...

one year ago today, about this time, even, we were getting ready to go out to christine's birthday dinner. we were going to meet her dad at the 1201 restaurant to celebrate c's special day. and then we got the call...

a very dear family friend had passed away in her sleep. even looking at those words, i can't believe it. even now, i still find myself going to text bawbwa (my name for her) or give her a call. actually, i do call her cell phone. her message is still there and i find comfort in it... "i can't take your call right now, but i'll get back to you..."

bawbwa was always there for anyone that ever needed anything. anything. she never asked questions. she never turned anyone down. she was the greatest shoulder to lean on. i can still hear her... "teeda bear darlin'." that's what she called me.

my aunt is the one that called me. i had to go there. she was always there for me, i had to go and be there for her (family). i went to her house, where her daughter e was, and other family members. i thought that she had already been picked up, but she had not. e asked me if i wanted to go and see her. i didn't want to. but, i did. i bid her farewell and expressed my love. and even then i couldn't believe that she was gone.

she had been baking for christmas. and getting ready to wrap gifts. tea tassies were the cookie of the evening, as they were set out to cool. as we made our way through her house, we had to rearrange christmas gifts that she had just purchased and were awaiting their ribbons and bows. bawbwa so loved bringing joy to others... and her spirit was one of true generosity.

bawbwa was unconditional love. her light shone more brightly and her heart loved more deeply than anyone i have ever known. i know i am being selfish for wanting her back. i wasn't ready for her to leave. i'm still not ready for her to be gone.

after we found out that we were expecting, c and i paid bawbwa a visit. we sat on her new porch and told her the news. she shared her own news with us. after telling her our chosen name, somehow she mentioned the name, "oak" to us. we loved it... and rhys' middle name was born.

dearest bawbwa, i am missing you and loving you from afar. thank you for sharing your life and love with us. the lessons that you taught us about kindness will always echo in our everyday endeavors. i know that you are still with us; for you reside in our hearts and our memories. love and light, dear friend...