sometimes

when you teach where I teach, you are expected to be superhuman. and you deliver. you become a teacher and a parent and a counselor and a doctor and a referee and a coach and the list goes on and on. it's hard. really hard. it took me a long time to figure out how to not bring my work home with me... and I've gotten pretty good at it. except sometimes... sometimes it doesn't work.

this year, I have this kid. she's a husky gal. beautiful. smart. and mean as a snake. diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder, and some other labels. on the first day of school, she let us know that she wasn't going to be messed around with. by anyone. she shoved a teacher friend of mine, was stubborn and wouldn't move until she was good and ready, and had a mouth that wouldn't stop. did I mention that she's FIVE?!?!

well... after the shoving incident, she and I had a coming to horton party... I got down, looked her straight in the eyes (to which she told me to get out of her face and she didn't care what i had to say)... and I gave it to her. I asked her who she thought she was talking to like that... I told her that under no circumstance was she to EVER touch a teacher, or anyone else for that matter, the way she did in the cafeteria... I told her that her behavior wasn't cute and it wasn't going to be tolerated... I told her that her job was to learn and to be a good friend... and I told her that I loved her too much to let her act like that. she looked at me like I was crazy... and then she hugged me. she has been mine ever since. zero issues. and, in the rare circumstance where I sensed that she may go off, I reminded her that I loved her and that i wasn't going to let her get in trouble for her behavior. she rose to my expectations. beautifully. instead of hurting others, she became the mother hen... she became the one who tried to help struggling students... and she became responsible. i could trust her to escort other students to the nurse or the restroom. she became the complete opposite of what she believed that she was.

other teachers fell in love with her too. she let down her guard enough to let people see her. and love her.

recently, i have seen a distinct change in her. not mean... just annoying. and she started missing school. not a lot, but enough that it was noticeably out of the ordinary for her. today, i contacted mom about her absences, and mom told me that she fled to another state for safety reasons, and that she wouldn't be returning to me.

what the heck? i can't even imagine. i cannot fathom having to take my children and run away to another state out of fear. five. she's five. she has two younger siblings. i see some of the stuff that my kids have to live through, and, realize that, in their mere five years of life, they experience more turmoil than i could ever begin to understand. their reality is a nightmare.

i just hope that wherever she may go, that she remembers that she was loved "up in the horton house."