coming back like a wrecking ball

I have been known to weave a tale or two, but what I am about to share is real... C has been wanting to try the melting pot, and we decided that today was the day. After work, we gathered up the trio, and departed for cleveland... visions of fondue and trader joe's danced in our heads as we drove to our destination. We arrived at the restaurant around 6/6:15. People. We did not realize that the melting pot experience took 5 hours. Okay, it was almost 2.5 hours, but after working all day and driving, it felt like 5 hours. The kids, especially lu, could make or break such a trip... but they were all phenomenal. But I digress... after our dinner that took eternity, we had planned to go to trader joe's. By the time we got back to the car, it was 8:35, and it took 10 minutes to get to the store. I was starting not to feel well, and I didn't want my trader joe's experience to be rushed, so I assured c that it was okay if we just went home. She was adamant that we at least try... for all of 30 seconds...
C: it's ok. Let's just go home.
Me: are you sure?
C: Yes... yes, I'm sure... sheel? I'm not going to make it. I need a bathroom now. Find a Macdonald's NOW.
Me: Christine, I have to go, too... but we need gas stat. (We were supposed to fill up on the way there, but failed to)
C: sheel? This is more important. I need to go NOW! I'm not going to make it. Omg, I'm so sorry... I'm not going to make it.
***by this time, I needed a bathroom stat, as well... and, it should be noted that I think I may have a touch of the lactose intolerance, and we had just consumed a vat of cheese. Oh, and I understand that this may be tmi, but it's imperative to know that if I need to go #2, if I wait, I start throwing up... so, there's that. But I digress. Again...
*** the next thing I know, c and I are doing breathing exercises in unison to hopefully stop our bowels from raging...
C: find a restaurant! Find a gas station! Find a hotel! I don't care! I'll pay for a room... I NEED A BATHROOM! sheel... I'm serious. I think I need to go in this bag.
Kids: (laughing) Poop in the bag! Poop in the bag!
C: sheel... what's the plan? What's the plan? WHAT'S THE PLAN?
Me: I'm trying. I'm trying to find someplace... 
C: seriously. What's the plan if i go in the bag?
Kids: poop in the bag! Poop in the bag!
C: stop talking! If mommy poops in the bag, you must never tell anyone!
L: I'm gonna tell my friends!
C: now. You need to find someplace NOW.
*** it should be noted that we were lost... C tried to find a macdonald's on her phone, and, as soon as I turned where i was supposed to turn, there was construction... and the further we went, the shady-er it got. Finally, I squealed the tires as I turned the volvo into the scariest speedway gas station known to man. I pulled up on the curb, and c jumped out... the door was locked, so she went in to get the key. I circled the building and got out to pump gas. Big mistake. As soon as I stood up, I had to go. Bad. Somehow I chose the slowest pump, and, as the gas s l o w l y pumped, I stared at the moon and honestly thought that I was going to start ralphing and crapping right there. I wanted to fill my tank because gas was 40 cents cheaper than in erie, but I just could not. I jumped back into the car, went back around to the back, jumped out, started unbuttoning my pants, and pounded on the door. I looked up to see a video camera, and I did not care... not one little bit...
Me: (pounding on door)
C: I'm sorry... it's occupied!
Me: Christine! Christine! Omg, christine!
C: I'm not done!
Me: Christine!
*** the next thing I knew, she opened the door, tried to hand me the door key as I tried to give her the car keys, but she left before we could exchange, and I unleashed the fury. I had to take deep breaths in the bathroom of shame, willing myself not to puke. I remembered that c was locked out of the car, so I unlocked the door for her. People... it was nothing good up in there. I couldn't stop going... and I was making a plan in case I started throwing up at the same time. Finally, I was done enough to be mobile, and I went to the car. The kids were mad because the volume wasn't on to their movie, and c still had to go to the bathroom. She insisted that I just drive and, if need be, we'd find a macdonald's and continue our journey of bowel movements. 
Me: how are you feeling?
C: well, sheel... when you started to pound on the door, I knew the pain you were in, so I just did a courtesy wipe and let you in. My butt is burning!
Me: wait. You didn't wipe all the way?
C: I knew how bad it was and I heard your desperation...
Me: now that's love.

hiatus

it's been awhile since I have posted a blog. c has asked me numerous times over the past six months when I was going to resume blogging, and, the truth is that I wanted to, but it was a pain. if you know us in real life, you know how awful our internet and cell phone reception is at our house. what's odd is that our internet connection on our cells and ipad is lightning fast, but our phone reception on our cells and our internet connection on our laptops is lackluster, to put it mildly. since c has been doing a lot of work from home, it was imperative that we get this remedied... so, I put a call into spectrum, the guy spent a few hours here, and, hopefully he fixed the issue.

to recap the past six months would probably take me six months, so I figured the best thing to do would be a  photo dump, and try to be better at blog updates (because we all know i'm a pro at fb updates!),

so, here goes lots of things...