pennywenny

growing up, we were never allowed to have dogs. it was a miracle that we had cats. my grandfather (whom I called dad), didn't believe that animals should be in the house. when I was out on my own, and my landlord approved me getting a dog, I decided to adopt a sweet little cockapoo. on 1/27/02, pennywenny was born. unfortunately, soon after her birth, her doggy mama got hit by a car, and didn't make it. because of this, pennywenny and her siblings were handfed as babies. I decided that, if they could hand feed her, why couldn't I just bring her home and feed her myself? so that's what I did. my principal was especially gracious... she allowed me to bring pennywenny to work so that she could stay on her schedule.

pennywenny was quite the charming pup. she would skip around with the biggest puppy smile you ever saw. she wrapped everyone she met around her little stubby tail... even dad. wherever I went, pennywenny went. when I took pennywenny down to the house, he would yell, "why'd you have to bring that g-d dog down here?!" and the next thing you knew, he'd be feeding her and petting her. if I didn't take her with me, he'd bark, "hey, cheech! where's that g-d dog at? you shouldn't have left her home by herself!" penny loved going down to the house... i'd look at her and say, "pennywenny? wanna go to grandma's?" and penny would lose her mind... she would run and skip in circles, and cry until we got into the car... i'd roll the window down, she'd put her head out the window, and let the wind blow through her fur. as we got closer, she knew, and would start whining. she loved her grandma.

when c and I got married, pennywenny was my best dog (hi. dis is pennywenny. I was NOT hew best dog! I was hew best pewson, fow cwyin' out loud!) she was barking through the ceremony, until we were reunited. then she calmed right down. we always knew how to calm each other down.

pennywenny was truly my best pal. she loved me, in spite of me. I cannot even count the number of times that she saved me from myself. penny's love for me was unconditional and true.

I remember reading about how dogs have a sixth sense... since she was little, I would practice talking to her in my mind. I know that it sounds hokey, but, she followed the commands that I would say in my head... they were simple commands- really just come and sit. but she followed through. every time. she always followed through.

about 4.5 years ago, pennywenny started coughing. it was horrible. I tried to ignore it... it terrified me that I could lose her. finally, I had to take her to the vet. I was hoping that it was something simple, like a cold. it turned out that pennywenny was in congestive heart failure. my world crumbled. there was no way that I could say goodbye to my best girl. fortunately, she responded well to the enalapril and lasix. three and a half years passed by... last year, around this time, penny started coughing again. I knew what was wrong. the vet upped her dosages, and the coughing calmed down significantly. unfortunately, pennywenny's age started showing. she spent her days slumbering and eating. not that she was complaining, because, after all, sleeping and eating is quite the life... it wasn't until she started losing control of her bowels and bladder that I was forced to acknowledge that my girl wasn't going to get better.

last month, I renewed stella's dog license. I never told anyone, but I didn't renew pennywenny's. in my heart, I knew. I knew that my pal wasn't going to be with me for that much longer. I kept watching my girl... waiting for a sign... but I knew... pennywenny would never, ever leave me on her own accord. she knew how much I needed her.

last week, I called the vet, and explained all of her symptoms. the fact of the matter was that she is 15... perhaps she could be put on meds, that would make her sleep even more, and really, she didn't deserve that. ironically, today is national love your pet day... I had to dig deep, and let pennywenny know that i loved her enough to let her know that it was alright to go. tonight, c and I took my girl for her final car ride. I let her know that she was going to see grammy, and I thanked her for always looking out for me and being my best girl. I lied on the vet's floor with her and stroked her sweet furry face as she went peacefully to sleep. I am heartbroken.

before we left, we explained to the kids what was happening, in an age-appropriate manner, of course. we knew that they didn't get it. when we got home, they asked where penny was. I just had to be alone. I went to our room, while c explained that penny wasn't coming home. poor quinn, with her big doe eyes, immediately began crying huge tears. rhys didn't know what to do... he came back to me...

r: mama, i'm going to give you this statue of a dog that I painted. when you feel sad, you can talk to it... and when you don't need it, you can just give it back. or if you need it forever, that's okay, too.

me: (choking back tears) thanks, bub.

r: ya know, mama, when i'm sad, sometimes I just like to be alone. do you feel that way, too?

me: yes, bub, I do.

r: okay. well, I think that I am just going to stay with you and hug you until you feel better (as he starts to cry)

lu is our kid who has trouble processing her feelings. she came back to me, and was sad that I was sad. she gave me a hug, and then went and cried to c.

I could never repay pennywenny for all that she has taught me. my only hope is that she knew just how much I loved her...

hey, evewyone! dis is pennywenny! I don't want my muddah to be sad... gwammy said she'd take weally good care of me! it's amazing! my wegs don't huwt anymowe! I can wun and jump and pway again! just so you know... my muddah's heawt is bwoken. we wewe each udda's pewsons (as you know, I am NOT a dog, I am a pewson!)... I hope my muddah knows dat pennywenny is aw-ways in hew heawt. well, dis is pennywenny signing off... it's time to eat, and pennywenny wuvs to eat!

penelope pippsywoggin, aka pennywenny, 1/27/02 - 2/20/17 (fowevah in hew muddah's heawt)